my female pains..

BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN.

I tend to think I'm the sperm that won,
But sometimes I'm just the ovum that lost.
I wish I was one in a million, 
But in a million none could choose me.

I wish you could see my beauty beyond my scars,
Or the smile behind my braces,
Sometimes it hurts so much,
I can't even tell it's paining,
Sometimes I cry so much,
I don't realise it's raining,
Because I am a woman.
I bear it all.

I give big smiles at work,
Just to go home to a battering husband,
I feel so alone,
I loose myself,
I give up everything to you, to the world, and end up a beggar.
I get lost, confused,
When there's a big contrast from that rush of the first kiss,
And the agony and sharp pain of the first slap.

How did we get here?
How did I lose you?
When I tell you I love you,
You say you'll find some time to do,
When I say I need you,
You mockingly laugh it off..
You used to be a saint,
More of like everything at the same exact time.
I try to be that woman, that girl,
I wish you could see.

There's more to me than makeup can ever conceal,
Just one word can fix it all,
One gesture can make me whole again.

The razor cuts don't help anymore,
And as I hold this gun to my head,
I remember everything,
Beautifully broken.